How to Make Friends: 3 Simple Skills Every Child Needs

For some children, making friends seems easy. For others, walking up to another child and saying “Can I play?” can feel incredibly difficult.

1. Why Making Friends Can Be Hard

Discuss challenges such as:

• Being shy
• Fear of rejection
• Being new to school
• Not knowing what to say
• Feeling different
• Difficulty reading social cues

2. Teach the “Notice, Ask, Join” Strategy

NOTICE: Find someone who appears open to interaction.

ASK: Ask a simple question.

Examples:

• “What are you playing?”
• “Do you like soccer?”
• “Can I play too?”

JOIN: Look for a way to participate.

3. Teach Children That Rejection Doesn’t Mean Something Is Wrong With Them

Sometimes another child may say no. Help students understand that rejection is disappointing but doesn’t determine their worth.

Teach them to try again with someone else.

4. Help Students Find Common Interests

Friendships often begin with shared interests—sports, drawing, books, games, animals, music, or imaginative play.

Counselor Activity: Friendship Detective

Give students several scenarios:

Scenario:
“You are sitting at lunch and notice someone who is sitting alone.”

Ask:

1. What could you say?
2. What could you ask?
3. How could you invite them to join you?

Role-play the scenarios with partners.

Picture-Book Recommendations

• The Day You Begin by Jacqueline Woodson
• The Name Jar by Yangsook Choi
• Be a Friend by Salina Yoon
• Wyatt Learns about Friendship by Lynne Watts

ASCA Alignment

M 2: Acceptance, respect, support and inclusion
M 4: Self-confidence in ability to succeed
B-SS 1: Communication and listening skills
B-SS 2: Positive, respectful and supportive relationships
B-SS 4: Empathy
B-SS 9: Social maturity and behaviors appropriate to the situation

The ASCA standards provide a strong framework for explicitly teaching the communication and relationship skills children need to make connections with peers.