Friendship Problems? 7 Skills Kids Need to Solve Conflicts

“I don’t want to be his friend anymore!”

School counselors hear this statement regularly. Friendship problems are a normal part of childhood, but children need tools for handling them.

1. Friendship Problems Are Not Always Bullying

Help students understand the difference between:

• A disagreement
• A friendship conflict
• Hurt feelings
• Repeated mean behavior
• Bullying

2. Teach the Friendship Fix-It Formula

STOP

Take a breath before reacting.

SAY

Explain how you feel using respectful words.

LISTEN

Give the other person an opportunity to explain.

SOLVE

Work together to find a solution.

MOVE FORWARD

Decide what you can do differently next time.

3. Teach “I Statements”

Instead of:

“You are so mean!”

Try:

“I felt left out when everyone started playing without me.”

4. When Should an Adult Help?

Make it clear that students should seek adult help when they feel unsafe, when problems keep happening, or when they cannot solve the problem themselves.

Counselor Activity: Friendship Fix-It Scenarios

Give students cards containing common friendship problems:

• Two friends both want to be first.
• Someone doesn’t invite you to play.
• Your friend tells someone your secret.
• Two friends want to play different games.
• Someone says, “You can’t play with us.”
• Your friend gets angry because you played with someone else.

Students identify:

What happened?
How might each person feel?
What could they say?
What could they do?

Picture-Book Recommendations

• Enemy Pie by Derek Munson
• The Recess Queen by Alexis O’Neill
• Stick and Stone by Beth Ferry
• The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld
• Wyatt Learns about Cooperation by Lynne Watts
• Wyatt Learns about Good Manners by Lynne Watts

ASCA Alignment

B-SS 1: Communication and listening
B-SS 2: Positive, respectful and supportive relationships
B-SS 4: Empathy
B-SS 5: Ethical decision-making and social responsibility
B-SS 6: Collaboration and cooperation
B-SS 8: Advocacy skills for self and others
B-SMS 2: Self-discipline and self-control
B-SMS 7: Effective coping skills

These standards make friendship conflict resolution an especially strong social/emotional classroom lesson or small-group topic.