Healthy Friendships: Boundaries Every Child Should Know

Children sometimes think being a good friend means always saying yes, always playing together, or never disagreeing. Healthy friendships don’t work that way.

1. What Does a Healthy Friendship Look Like?

Healthy friends:

• Respect each other’s feelings.
• Allow each other to have other friends.
• Listen to one another.
• Share and take turns.
• Respect personal space.
• Accept differences.
• Can disagree respectfully.
• Encourage each other.

2. Teach Children That It’s OK to Say No

Give students simple phrases:

• “No, thank you.”
• “I’d rather not.”
• “I don’t want to do that.”
• “Please stop.”
• “I need some space.”

3. Friendship Does Not Mean Ownership

Help students understand:

“You can be my friend and still have other friends.”

This is particularly important when students experience jealousy or exclusion.

4. Healthy Friends Respect Boundaries

Discuss examples of healthy versus unhealthy behaviors.

Healthy:
“Can I sit with you?”

Unhealthy:
“You can’t sit with anyone else.”

Healthy:
“I don’t want to play that game today.”

Unhealthy:
“If you don’t play my game, I’m not your friend.”

Counselor Activity: Healthy or Not Healthy?

Read different friendship statements and have students identify whether each demonstrates a Healthy Friendship, Needs Some Work, or Not a Healthy Friendship.

Examples:

• “My friend listens when I have something to say.”
• “My friend gets angry whenever I play with someone else.”
• “My friend lets me say no.”
• “My friend makes fun of me when other kids are around.”
• “We can disagree and still be friends.”
• “My friend tells me I have to keep secrets from adults.”

Picture-Book Recommendations

• The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld
• Stick and Stone by Beth Ferry
• Enemy Pie by Derek Munson
• Chrysanthemum by Kevin Henkes
• Wyatt Learns about Good Manners by Lynne Watts
• Wyatt Learns about Cooperation by Lynne Watts

ASCA Alignment

M 1: Belief in development of the whole self
M 2: Acceptance, respect, support and inclusion
B-SMS 1: Responsibility for self and actions
B-SMS 2: Self-discipline and self-control
B-SS 1: Communication and listening
B-SS 2: Positive, respectful and supportive relationships
B-SS 8: Advocacy skills for self and others

ASCA’s standards specifically include positive relationships, communication, empathy, cooperation, advocacy and culturally responsive relationship skills—all highly relevant to teaching healthy friendships.