Doubtbusters: Changing Your Mindset

How to change how you feel about yourself

I’m not good enough…

If they really knew me…

Everyone else does it better…

I’m not worthy…

We all have it.  The fear of being seen.  Not a fear of being seen in our latest contrived photo-shopped selfie on Facebook.  Not a fear of being seen in our latest story of  “I’m the greatest” as we go on about the ailments of our society and how things would be different if we were in charge.  Instead, our fear of being seen is that primal fear that if someone really knew who we were at our core, not only would they know us at our worst, most vulnerable and most inadequate, they would reject us completely. Our secret would be out. We would lose all hope.  So we spend our lives guarding our secret selves and never venturing into territory that would challenge the carefully crafted image we have created.  Sometimes we even manage to fool ourselves into believing we are not afraid.

The problem is that so many of our dreams require us to be seen.  Want to challenge the way things have always been done on the job and suggest a better route but fearful of what co-workers will say? Want to start a business?  Nothing will ever challenge you more.  Want to become a writer, artist or follow some similar creative pursuit?  Ditto. Want to do anything new, challenging and risky, like start a new career, relationship or project?  Ditto.

So what’s the answer?  How do you put the dragon to rest?


Focus on action, not feelings–Many times our feelings trick us into believing things that just aren’t true.  Just because we feel nervous about trying something challenging, it is not a sign that we should avoid it.  In fact many times feeling nervous is a good thing because it is an indication that we are stepping outside our comfort zone.  Give yourself permission to take action, imperfect action, regardless of your emotions.

Focus on positive self-talk, not negative self-talk— Our brains are like Velcro for negativity and Teflon for the positive so it is important that we learn ways to take charge of our thinking.  One way to do this is to pay attention to the messages that we are telling ourselves, evaluate those messages and change them to more realistic and positive ones.

Focus on measuring personal progress, not comparison to others–The comparison trap will lead to doubt and criticism every time.  We can always find someone who is better than we are.  By the same token we can always find someone who is weaker as well.  Neither is beneficial for shoring up our self confidence.  Instead, learn to measure progress based on your goals and personal accomplishments. Pay attention to where you started and how far you have come.

You deserve a BREAK! 

Enjoy session #2 of Summer Renewal Videos on Self-Talk

renewal videos


Changing a limiting mindset means we get results because we move forward in our lives deliberately.

Ready to make a change?

Grab your spot for a complementary coaching call here:




Thinking about Dream Achiever Coaching?  Do it now.  Be vulnerable and trust the process.  Don’t see this as a program but as a way to find out who you are and what you need and want for your own future.  I leave each call feeling validated, supported and more confident in my ability to solve my own problems and take my own next steps.  ~Heather Gill





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