How to Develop Self Confidence
Here’s a little quiz for you: When you think about taking the dream that you have and turning it into a reality:
- Do you worry that you aren’t talented enough to pull it off?
- Do you wrestle with uncertainty?
- Are you afraid for no reason?
You have a new job or new position with challenging duties:
- Do you worry that you won’t measure up?
- Do you compare yourself to other co-workers who seem much more self assured?
- Do you feel like you have less to offer than everyone else?
You are giving a presentation to a group:
- Do you spend the evening afterwards agonizing over your mistakes?
- Do you compare yourself to other speakers and despair that you will never measure up?
- Do you psych yourself out before you speak by imagining that everyone in the audience is more qualified than you?
Lack of self-confidence is a problem that stalks us doesn’t it? And it comes up in coaching over and over. I think that this is especially true when someone is starting a new venture. But it is also true for people who are experienced in their careers. What robs us of self-confidence? Specific thought patterns like:
- Worry about messing up or failing
- Worry about what other people think (Will they like it?)
- Compare and despair (comparing ourselves to others who seem more successful
Many of us have developed habits or practices of low self-esteem or self-confidence. We are so used to thinking of ourselves in this way that we don’t question it. Sure it holds us back, but it is familiar.
What if low self-confidence is simply a feeling that alerts us to the fact that we are about to move out of our comfort zone? We might say that we even indulge ourselves in feeling incapable and fearful so that we don’t have to take actions that are scary. Low self-confidence can become a convenient excuse for inaction.
Self-confidence is a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities and judgment. Where does our belief system come from? It comes from the thoughts that we think. When we move ahead of our doubt, insecurity and fear to accomplish our goal, then we can experience self-confidence based on our results. A feeling of self-confidence or lack of it comes from the chatter in our brain or our mindset. When we are experienced in something, we actually give ourselves permission to feel self-confident but we could just as easily give our selves permission to feel confident even earlier.
What are the steps to being confident?
- Develop a hyper awareness of your thoughts and how they influence your feelings. Thoughts are what determine feelings, so how are you managing your mind? Challenge your thoughts!
- Determine what you want your opinion of yourself to be so that you can feel confident. Use a daily focus sheet and answer the questions: Who do I want to be? How do I want to feel? What is the greatest ideal of myself that I can be today?
- Set an intention each day: I choose to be________. I choose to feel________.
- Take action to move yourself forward. This one is key! The results of your action will then fuel your self-confidence.
- Develop a support system that can give you the support that you need.
Courage is not the absence of fear but taking action despite the fear.
“Feel the fear. Do it anyway.” Helen Keller
Want to learn more about increasing self-confidence?
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I had lots of ideas, but no idea how to actually take the first step toward making my dream a reality. Lucky for me, the Dream Achiever Coaching program had everything that I needed to begin taking precious baby steps. The strategy sessions clearly identified each next step in an order that made perfect sense. And the mindset sessions gave me the confidence I needed to move forward! ~Ellen Quarles